Dealing with an Empty Nest
Pervin Shaikh, founder of Aim High Ltd gives us her take on how to make the most of life after your children have all left home.
Many consider an empty nest as part of natural progression in family life. Until the last child has flown the nest, the main focus for many parents has been the children and meeting their personal and emotional needs. Parents may also be content knowing that they have done their bit to help their children take an independent step in life. Dealing with an empty nest does require a bit of adjusting and this can take time and in some cases, a little helping hand may also be required.
Once the last child has left, many parents have the time to rejuvenate their own personal lives. This may also be the first opportunity for both parents to reflect, re-evaluate and plan for the future, since becoming parents. The future will look bright if the parents look forward to fulfilling their own personal and professional dreams/goals and ambitions.
It is perfectly natural for parents to miss children when they are not around, and it’s okay to feel sad once the children have left. It may be a bitter sweet moment, but thanks to social networking, it is very easy to keep in touch with the offspring, once they have left home. Tech savvy parents can connect with their offspring from anywhere in the world using Facebook, Skype, Twitter, MySpace and Bing.
However, dealing with an empty nest can trigger a spectrum of emotions within many people. These emotions can vary from elation, excitement, depression and loneliness and be different for each parent. For these people, a home without the children may seem hauntingly eerie. There may be reminders of days and evenings with constant banter, family gatherings or friends coming in and out of the house.
Emotional cracks may begin to appear if one parent has been heavily relying on the offspring for emotional support. There are number of telling signs of an empty nest syndrome (usually emerging after a couple of weeks) and some lingering signs can include:
- Constantly waiting for the phone to ring
- Calling the offspring at inopportune times
- Lack of sleep
- Lack of appetite
- Crying frequently
- Feeling unworthy
- Feeling lonely
- Anxiety
- Unable to share experiences with others
- Rejecting help and support from family and friends
If any signs of the above signs are evident after a couple of weeks, it may be advisable to seek some help. There are many professionals who could provide support and advice and include professional counsellors and local GPs.
Just like the offspring who are now carving out their own lives, it’s time for parents to do the same.
Rejuvenate the Next Chapter in Life
Make a list of all the things that have been put off and get prioritising with the activities. Being busy for the sake of being busy will not have sustainable effect, but engaging in activities, which stimulate the mind, will have a lasting impact. An analogy which may resonate with many is that of an elastic band. Once stretched, the elastic band is never the same again and the same can be applied to people. People who engage in pushing their comfort and experience zones usually tend to be the most content.
The following are some tips on nurturing mind and soul:
- Set goals – both personal and professional. If most of the time has been spent nurturing the children, then it’s time to refocus attention.
- Give each partner space and time to revaluate challenges and goals.
- Learn a new language
- Take up a new hobby
- Travel to new places
- Join a local community project
- Champion a new cause within the locality
- Re-connect with lost friends or family
Many parents accept an empty nest is part of a family life cycle and some parents are better at dealing with this stage than others. It is not unusual for both parents and children to deal with challenging emotions during this important stage in family life. Children themselves may also experience similar emotions of trying to “make it” in the big world without parents at their sides. However, both can find ways of maintaining closeness with one another, without physically being present. Sharing information or having regular get-togethers may alleviate some of the anxiety, which comes as a result of entering a new stage in family life.
